A Christmas Karkle
by Fudgefeather
Summary: Karkat hates Christmas- but he can't pass up the opportunity to give a gift to the troll he loves, can he? Until he sees her with someone else... Ah, well, Karkat. Maybe you just need a little more luck- or your past, present, and future selves to give you a new view on the holiday... Post-game, Karezi, somewhat of a parody of "A Christmas Carol".


**AN: Dang I need to get going on this I started before December even began and it's only now that I have the first chapter up. But anyways, as you can probably tell, this is a bit of a parody story of "A Christmas Carol". However, it's not quite your typical retelling...**

**And by the way, I ship Karezi. Like, a lot. So this was naturally a wonderful idea to me. It was also written before I knew about the Twelfth Perigree existing, but by the time I knew I was too far into writing and planning this. I apologize. Please enjoy anyways.**

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Karkat hated this time of year. Hated, hated, _HATED_ the first snowfall, hated the constant caroling, hated the cheerful air about town as humans laughed, hated all the fat men in red suits with white beards, hated how suddenly all the places to shop, even if it was just for a bit of _food_, for goodness sakes, were almost too crowded to navigate without breaking a person's neck. To put it simply, he really, truly loathed the season most humans seemed to call "Christmas".

Having lived on Alternia for most of his life, and a few extra years inside a stupid game named SGURB, he had really never heard of this stupid season, not until John brought it up. John had exclaimed enthusiastically of all the wonderful presents and gifts the holiday brought with it, of the excitement, the joy, the mistletoe, the tree, the tinsel… Then, Karkat couldn't help but feel just a tiny spark of excitement in him. Not enough to spark a smile, but just enough… Maybe… Maybe he could give a gift to a special someone…

No, he didn't have his sights set on anyone, especially not on Terezi. Not since she had decided that Strider was her matespirit, _ESPECIALLY_ not after that. He would never have someone like that for _him_, not for grumpy, yelling Karkat.

It didn't stop him from (after many failed attempts and a LOT of pricked fingers) from making a little Scalemate for the only person he knew who really, really liked those things.

He stuffed the little critter in a box, wrapping the box in red paper and finishing it off with a teal ribbon. The receiver would love this. The tiniest of smiles crept on to his face, in the one rare time he allowed it to.

That was, of course, until he saw HER walking arm in arm with Strider down the sidewalk.

She stopped, sniffed the air, and called out to him with a wave, but the flight-or-fight instinct in him had already taken over. He was rounding the corner and halfway to his home before she even realized he was gone.

He wanted to tear the package and its contents to shreds, to throw it away, raze the package to the ground and pretend John had never told him about the holiday, that he didn't know what Christmas was or that gifts were supposed to be given on that day. But, despite the rage building up inside of him, he couldn't do it. He had worked too hard, had put too much heart and soul into the gift to do it any harm. So instead, he just shoved it under his bed.

For a few minutes, he collapsed onto the same bed, staring at the ceiling, glaring at it as if it were responsible for all the hell he'd been through in life. But, stress soon overwhelmed this anger, and he simply couldn't take it anymore. Too much silence, too much to remind him of how miserably he failed at romance. He snorted in disgust; how fitting that the person who knew everything about troll quadrants and had seen every single romance and romcom film on the face of both planet Earth and Alternia could never find a matespirit.

He needed something to fill the silence.

He sighed and got off his bed, rubbing his eyes in mild annoyance as he proceeded to the living room, flopped down on the couch, grabbed the remote, and flipped the TV on. Some pretty woman meeting some jerk guy; he already knew that this was the introduction to some romantic movie where the woman would end up falling for the guy who would turn out to be less of a jerk than she originally thought. The wreaths and trees and lights in the background didn't help his mood, either.

He switched the channel. It could very well have been the same channel; only the actors and plot of this movie seemed to be much different. It also seemed to be Christmas themed; even though it should be expected, with the holiday being the next day and all. Karkat still switched the channel. And again. And yet again. Finally, frustrated at the poor choice of channels and movies, he flipped the switch and the TV's screen went blank. Though normally he would have loved to crash on the couch the entire day and watch romance movies, today… He couldn't muster the feeling. All the movies reminded him too much of himself and Terezi, only instead of going with the right guy in the end, she always stuck with the jerk boyfriend she started out with.

He didn't know it, but he stopped short of a channel playing a Christmas classic devoid of romance and with the perfect message for someone as sick of the holiday as he was.

For a minute, he sat there, stewing, wondering what could have stuck him with such sour luck this holiday season, when a knock came at the door. Without any decent reason to, his heart leapt in his chest as he rushed to see who it was; maybe it was Terezi, who had left Dave to spend Christmas with him instead, maybe even having dumped the self-proclaimed "coolkid" after realizing who her heart truly belonged to-

It was John, giving Karkat the biggest, goofiest, and absolutely the most stupid grin on the face of the planet at that moment. "What do you want?"

John rubbed the back of his head sheepishly, as if suddenly realizing what a foul mood Karkat was in and regretting having bothered him. "I just wanted to invite you over… I'm having a Christmas party at my house later tonight, and I was thinking maybe you could come over, have some fun, exchange gifts…"

Karkat snorted and crossed his arms. "Ha. Two words: No way. For one thing, in case you don't know, I don't have time or money to buy gifts for everyone."

"But you could always just come anyways! You don't have to get anyone anything; if you feel that guilty about it, I have some presents to spare that you can give out, it's no big deal, I know you have your problems, but it's Christmas!" John protested, his dark blue eyes turning into those of a cute, tiny, pleading puppy who was lost and had somehow managed to find his way to Karkat's front porch. "Bah, humbug."

Karkat wasn't quite certain what that meant, but some deep, inner urge within him told him to say it, suggested how appropriate it was for the moment. John frowned. "You sound like Scrooge," he said with a pout. Karkat gave him a blank look. "_Who?_"

John rolled his eyes at Karkat. "Scrooge. He was this miser guy, hated Christmas and all that stuff. He said that about the entire holiday…. Until he was visited one night by these ghosts who showed him what he had done wrong in the past, how he wronged and hurt those in the present, and what misery it would cause if he kept up his actions in the future. After that, he changed his ways, and was a good man until he died!"

Karkat snorted. "And you expect me to believe this story? Whatever. It's freezing out there, and I'd prefer not to keep my door open any longer, so why don't you try and spread your idiotic, stupid, lousy, pathetic Christmas cheer elsewhere for once?!" he hollered at his friend, eyes narrowing. John shrugged, before turning around to race off. "Just don't blame me if three ghosts wake you up in the middle of the night~!" he called over his shoulder as he ran, the smile still on his face.

Karkat slammed the door and went back t his bedroom, flopping back down on the same bed he had left only minutes before. It seemed there was nothing else to do that holiday, but go to sleep and hope something could kill him before he suffered another day of seeing _those two_ happily together…


End file.
